


That Red-Haired Man

by hull1984



Category: Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 00:05:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hull1984/pseuds/hull1984
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco does not like that red-haired man, Pans-I-am!</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Red-Haired Man

**Author's Note:**

> Oh dear, what can I say? Written in 2005 after too many nights reading Green Eggs and Ham to my children. Dr Seuss forgive me, sir.
> 
> Totally silly and indulgent.

That Pans-I-am  
That Pans-I-am  
I do not like  
That Pans-I-am

_Do you like  
that red-haired man?_

I do not like him,  
Pans-I-am.  
I do not like  
that red-haired man.

_Would you snog them  
here or there?_

I would not snog him  
here or there.  
I would not snog him  
anywhere.  
I do not like  
that red-haired man.  
I do not like him,  
Pans-I-am.

_Would you snog him_  
_in this house?_  
_Would you trip him,_  
_and then pounce?_  


I would not snog him  
in this house.  
I would not trip him,  
and then pounce.  
I would not snog him  
here or there.  
I would not snog him  
anywhere.  
I do not like that red-haired man.  
I do not like him Pans-I-am.

_Would you snog him_  
_on a broom?_  
_Would you snog him_  
_in your room?_

Not on a broom.  
Not in my room.  
Not in this house.  
Not with a pounce.  
I would not snog him here or there.  
I would not snog him anywhere.  
I would not snog that red-haired man.  
I do not like him, Pans-I-am.

_Would you? Could you?_  
_In a flying car?_  
_Snog him! Snog him!_  
_Here they are._

I would not,  
could not,  
in a flying car.

_You may snog him._  
_You will see._  
_You may snog him_  
_In a tree!_

I would not, could not in a tree.  
Not in a car! You let me be.

I will not kiss him on a broom.  
I will not kiss him in my room.  
I will not kiss him in this house.  
I will not kiss him with a pounce.  
I will not kiss him here or there.  
I will not kiss him anywhere.  
I will not kiss that red-haired man  
I will not kiss him, Pans-I-am.

_A train! A train!_  
_A train! A train!_  
_Could you, would you,_  
_on the train?_

Not on the train! Not in a tree!  
Not in a car! Pans! Let me be!

I would not, could not on a broom.  
I could not, would not, in my room.  
I will not trip him and then pounce.  
I will not snog him in this house.  
I will not snog him here or there.  
I will not snog him anywhere.  
I will not snog that red-haired man.  
I do not like him, Pans-I-am.

_Say!_  
_In the dark?_  
_Here in the dark?_  
_Would you, could you, in the dark?_

I would not, could not,  
in the dark.

_Would you, could you,  
in the rain?_

I would not, could not, in the rain.  
Not in the dark. Not on the train.  
Not in a car. Not in a tree.  
I do not like him Pans, you see.  
Not in this house. Not on a broom.  
Not with a pounce. Not in my room.  
I will not snog him here or there.  
I will not snog him anywhere!

_You do not like  
that red-haired man?_

I do not  
like him,  
Pans-I-am.

_Could you, would you,  
in the tower?_

I would not,  
could not,  
in the tower!

_Would you, could you,  
in the shower?_

I could not, would not, in the shower.  
I will not, will not, in the tower.  
I will not snog him in the rain.  
I will not snog him on the train.  
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!  
Not in a car! You let me be!  
I will not snog him on a broom.  
I will not snog him in my room.  
I will not snog him in this house.  
I will not snog him with a pounce.  
I will not snog him here or there.  
I will not snog him ANYWHERE!

I do not like that red-haired man!

I do not like him,  
Pans-I-am.

_You do not like him._  
_So you say._  
_Snog him! Snog him!_  
_And you may._  
_Snog him and you may, I say._

Pans!  
If you will let me be,  
I will snog him.  
You will see.

Pans!  
I like that red-haired man!  
I do! I like him, Pans-I-am!  
And I would snog him in the shower.  
And I would snog him in the tower.  
And I will snog him in the rain.  
And in the dark. And on the train.  
And in a car. And in a tree.  
He is so hot, so hot, you see!

So I will snog him on a broom.  
And I will snog him in my room.  
And I will snog him in this house.  
And I will snog him with a pounce.  
And I will snog him here and there.  
I will snog them ANYWHERE!

I do so like  
my red-haired man!  
Thank you!  
Thank you,  
Pans-I-am!

End.


End file.
